Dear Michelle,
I am a mom of a 24-year-old daughter who is a beautiful soul inside and out. She has been dating since her early teens. I’ve always considered her to be smart, mature and full of common sense. She never causes problems, issues or any stress for me to deal with.
Sounds great, right? She was dating a nice, young man for a couple of years. They met in high school and they had a very close relationship, until they realized that the courtship was not working out for them any longer.
Well, here is my issue. She met a nice man and seems to enjoy his company, conversations, spending time with him and going out to fun places, etc. He comes from a different background than we do, and I’m finding this very hard to deal with. Growing up, I was never brought up in any kind of religious way, so I don’t understand why this has to be so troublesome to me.
This is causing me to have so much stress and anxiety. I have spoken to my husband, friends, relatives and I have even went to see a therapist to discuss this matter.
She has been dating him for a few months now, and she knows how I feel. We have always had a good relationship, but I see that this is now interfering. She will not stop dating him due to the fact that she enjoys their time together. I’m trying to figure out why this is so hard for me to deal with, but I cannot. She sneaks around with him now because she doesn’t want to let me know that she is going out with him. This feels kind of crappy to me because my daughter is not doing anything wrong. I spoke to one of my dear friends and she advised me to learn to accept this. This is not causing any harm, negativity or unhappiness to anyone, especially my daughter.
All this is doing is giving my daughter happiness. Isn’t that what I want? “This is your daughter. She will always be your daughter. You need to work on accepting your daughter’s decision. Do not ruin your relationship with her.” “Hmmm,” I said to myself. I heard her, listened and thought about what she said. I’m still having a hard time with this though and need your advice.
Thank you,
Stressed Mom
Dear Stressed Mom,
I am so sorry that you are dealing with all this stress and anxiety. You need to take a deep breath and focus on the big picture. Your daughter is a great, beautiful young lady, as you said. She never gives you any issues, problems or worries. She is smart, mature, has common sense and a lot going for her. You also mentioned that you have a good relationship with her.
It also sounds like you hit the jackpot. Your daughter met a nice, young man who makes her happy. She enjoys his company and spending time with him. She knows that you do not approve of this, but is not even sure why. You said yourself that you don’t even understand this. Firstly, your daughter is dating this gentleman. If she winds up with this young man, it seems that she is intelligent enough to figure out with her partner what is going to work out for the both of them. Your dear friend was right. This is your daughter. She will always be your daughter. Don’t push her away. That is what you will be doing.
You need to continue working on this emotional problem that you are dealing with, whether its talking to your husband, a dear friend or a therapist. Please do whatever will help you to understand and deal with your feeling. Don’t cause something that you will regret.
Michelle Weinberger is the creator of the brand and author of the parenting book, Mom You’re So Annoying!, based on the many hats a mom wears and how often she’s told how annoying she is. She is also mom to a 29-year-old daughter and a 26-year-old son. Visit www.momyouresoannoying.com to learn more. To reach out to Michelle with a question or comment, email michelle@momyouresoannoying.com.
