Communication Goals For Creating Intimacy

Intimacy is an important part of a relationship. Intimacy is often mistaken for sex, and while sex can be part of the equation, it does not paint the full picture. According to psychologist Robert J. Sternberg, intimacy “…refers to feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness in loving relationships” (Sternberg, 1986, p. 119). It is the sense of fully knowing and understanding your partner and involves a great deal of self-disclosure. Intimate relationships are often more satisfying, as a stronger, more genuine bond is created. Below are some clear action-oriented goals you can set with your partner to increase intimacy.

Have deep and meaningful conversations

Too often our daily stresses and hassles overtake our relationships. Rather than focusing on important issues and uplifting news during our exchanges, we may get stuck on the difficulties we faced during the day. Spend less time giving your partner a play-by-play of every annoyance that you experienced (unless they are really affecting you), and spend more time sharing positive and important news.

Some possible goals you may set:

1. Limit the amount of time you spend venting to one another about trivial issues from work that aren’t causing you any major amount of stress

2. Institute a policy about discussing at least one topic that you find exciting each night (whether it be dreams for the future, something new you learned, something interesting you heard, etc.).

3. Turn off the phone, TV, etc. during your conversations. Limit any outside distractions so you can both listen to one another.

Discuss an approach to communication that you think will be beneficial to your relationship. Some examples include:

1. Allowing each partner to speak without interruption

2. Addressing each potential conflict-related topic fully (the point at which both individuals feel that they have reached a resolution), before moving to the next topic

3. Creating a safe and non-judgmental space

Create a plan for open and honest communication

To successfully create an intimate bond with your partner, you must be able to share your feelings, thoughts, and desires. Evaluate the serious conversations that you had over the last year. Were they easy or difficult to have? Did you leave the conversation feeling as if you were really heard? If you feel that you couldn’t properly or easily express yourself, it is time for a change.

Implementing these goals may help you and your partner communicate more openly and effectively, which in turn, will increase the intimacy you experience. Relationships are always a work in progress, so continue to strengthen your bond by working together.

Reference: Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119-135.

Marisa T. Cohen, PhD is a psychology professor, relationship researcher, and relationship coach. Learn more about Marisa at www.marisatcohen.com.

Marisa T Cohen
Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, is a psychology professor, relationship researcher and relationship coach. Learn more about Marisa at www.marisatcohen.com.

Leave a Reply

Discover

Sponsor

Latest

Calendar of Events July 28 to August 14

Here is a select list of events happening in the Long Island Weekly coverage area. Wednesday, July 28 What the Ambassador Saw Dr. Thorin Tritter, the museum...

How To Achieve The Perfect At-Home Tan

Is there something keeping you from achieving the tan you want this summer? Perhaps it’s the pesky rainy weather, or too much time in...

Another Side of Laura Schaefer

The Nassau County Legislator will show off her singing chops with accompanist Bill Blais at Cassariano Italian Eatery, 348 East Jericho Turnpike, Mineola. Call...

Celebrating Home Health Aides Job Fair Set July 26

Visiting Nurse Service of New York Partners in Care is hosting an open house hiring event on Monday, July 26 from 9 a.m. to...

Osteria Morini Brings Regional Flavor To Long Island

First impressions go a long way. From the moment you pass through the threshold at one of the newer dining experiences at Roosevelt Field...

Get Updates Via Email

Enter your email to be updated with all the latest news and special announcements.

x